I love to plan, make lists, and dream about the future. When I am at school, I plan out every minuteof the day, even when I sleep! Planning gives me a (false) sense of control that I cling to in everyday life. This perhaps the largest hindrance on my faith and one of the central reasons I’ve decided to trek 500miles across Spain.
Though I still try to plan here by reading my guide book, everyday on the Camino is different and filled with suprises. The only item on a pilgrim’s schedule is to walk,and the past few days I haven’t even been doing that! Chelsea has tendinitis in her foot so we have taken time to rest and recover. Yesterday, we spent the day in Castrojeriz which has a population of just 500 people. As you can imagine, there wasn’t much to do. I had no choice but to sit down and relax, something I have a very hard time doing. I like accomplishing and looking forward, not sitting still.
I often pray for God to soften my heart and draw me near to Him, but I don’t practice the disciplines that will allow for my prayer to be answered. I fill my life with distractions and drown out the “small still voice (1 Kings 19:12)” of God. I’d rather drive around traffic and go a much longer distance than wait through it.
I think this all boils down to my hearts unwillingness to trust. I have been told many times that God has a wonderful plan for my life and I have even quoted Jeremiah 29:11 to tell others of this wonderful news. Intellectually, I know that God is in control, but my heart resists this truth, looking for ways to find comfort in worldly productivity that can never satisfy. Proverbs 3:5 is not just a platitude to cure the woes of daily life, it’s a challenge to boldly follow Jesus and trust Him with everything you have. To follow Christ is to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).” To trust God as the Lord of your life, is to “acknowledge Him in all your ways” so that the fruit of a Christ lead life can been seen as, “He shall direct your paths (Proverbs 3:6).” Trusting in the Lord means giving up control, to “not be wise in your own eyes;” but to “fear the Lord and depart from evil (Proverbs 3:7). In all of this, God’s glory will be revealed and “It will be the health of your flesh and the strength to your bones (Proverbs 3:8).”
As I walk the Camino, I trust the Lord to give me the strength in every step, bring me to Santiago, and to use my life to expand His kingdom. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring and I never will. In every new person I meet I see His image and experience His love. In every gorgeous sunrise I marvel in His majesty. In every quiet moment I hear His voice.